Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
