Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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