I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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