Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
