Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
