R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
