Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
