Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
