so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's never too late to be topless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
