i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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