can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
