So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
