yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
