He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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