i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
