I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
