imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
