none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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