so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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