I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
