Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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