Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
