fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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