I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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