i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.