I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
