im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"