just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested