I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I had to cum in my sink.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
