why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....