Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
