Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
