why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
