I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We got so high we made milksteak
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
