Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
