Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
