do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
