I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
