i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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