Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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