Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
