I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
