the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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