Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
