gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
