Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
