my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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