i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
