Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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