Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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