Who wears a wallet chain?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
