...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
