It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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