marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
