Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
