Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you would pick up someone in the library
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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