I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize