the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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