fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think i peed on brittanys purse
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
