I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
