There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
