Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
