does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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