wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
