We won't sleep together?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
