u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
