At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
