I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
