trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
