Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
