Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
