that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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