I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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