Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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