Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
