I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
