I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
