Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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