I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
