Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
