I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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